The Break-up...
People come and go into our lives everyday. Some are casual acquaintances, some are true friends and some are merely strangers. And some are like family. It's the demise of these relationships that are difficult. As a mother of two young adults I find myself in varying stages of relationships with their significant others. Some of these relationships are more serious than others and often times its over before I even know it. But there are also the long, almost part of the family relationships that I speak of today.
As parents you want to support your children in all aspects of their lives. When they find that special someone you are thrilled to embrace the relationship and are excited to see it grow and mature. During that time you also become invested in the relationship. You spend time with the couple, you do fun things together, you meet their families, you begin to develop a fondness for this person. You love to hear their stories of growing up, observe their family dynamics and begin to get a sense of what makes them tick. While your child is trying to understand all the aspects of this relationship you are taking time to determine if this is a healthy, sustainable relationship that will make your child happy. As the relationship takes a turn toward serious you now shift into another mode where you begin to visualize this person becoming an actual member of your family. You now observe their interactions with extended family members and siblings. Can you see this person in your life and that of your child forever? Will this person love your child unconditionally? Will this person do everything in their power to provide a loving home for your child? Will this person support your child in their dreams? Will this person be a good provider? Will this person be the one?
Obviously, as a parent you cannot choose your child's forever partner, only support them in their decision and hope they make the right one. But what happens when things begin to fall apart even though two people remain in love. What happens when circumstances beyond their control affect their lives? What happens when love does not conquer all? For the two mature young adults it's their decision to take a break and try to figure what it's all about. It's a time to ponder the future and all that it has to offer. It should be a time to consider options and compromises. It's a struggle to try and make it work. When after considerable thought it is determined that at this time they are on two different paths and have a difficult time coming to terms with the decisions at hand, comes the break-up...
And now I feel that I've broken up with them too. Out of the blue I find myself no longer in a relationship with this person or their family. It hits you in the gut, it's sad. It is totally out of your control. So gone are the occasional text messages, the word games, the enjoyment of spending time together, the end of seeing your child happy with this person, the end of seeing a future for them. Instead we are left to console our child who has a broken heart. A heart that will eventually heal and move on. A heart that speaks volumes when it comes to knowing what is right. Our hearts will heal as will that of our children. We will all learn something from this experience, something that will make us stronger and better people.
As parents you want to support your children in all aspects of their lives. When they find that special someone you are thrilled to embrace the relationship and are excited to see it grow and mature. During that time you also become invested in the relationship. You spend time with the couple, you do fun things together, you meet their families, you begin to develop a fondness for this person. You love to hear their stories of growing up, observe their family dynamics and begin to get a sense of what makes them tick. While your child is trying to understand all the aspects of this relationship you are taking time to determine if this is a healthy, sustainable relationship that will make your child happy. As the relationship takes a turn toward serious you now shift into another mode where you begin to visualize this person becoming an actual member of your family. You now observe their interactions with extended family members and siblings. Can you see this person in your life and that of your child forever? Will this person love your child unconditionally? Will this person do everything in their power to provide a loving home for your child? Will this person support your child in their dreams? Will this person be a good provider? Will this person be the one?
Obviously, as a parent you cannot choose your child's forever partner, only support them in their decision and hope they make the right one. But what happens when things begin to fall apart even though two people remain in love. What happens when circumstances beyond their control affect their lives? What happens when love does not conquer all? For the two mature young adults it's their decision to take a break and try to figure what it's all about. It's a time to ponder the future and all that it has to offer. It should be a time to consider options and compromises. It's a struggle to try and make it work. When after considerable thought it is determined that at this time they are on two different paths and have a difficult time coming to terms with the decisions at hand, comes the break-up...
And now I feel that I've broken up with them too. Out of the blue I find myself no longer in a relationship with this person or their family. It hits you in the gut, it's sad. It is totally out of your control. So gone are the occasional text messages, the word games, the enjoyment of spending time together, the end of seeing your child happy with this person, the end of seeing a future for them. Instead we are left to console our child who has a broken heart. A heart that will eventually heal and move on. A heart that speaks volumes when it comes to knowing what is right. Our hearts will heal as will that of our children. We will all learn something from this experience, something that will make us stronger and better people.
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